Enabling, Codependency, and Waking Up
(Originally posted Feb 24th 2025)
Idk who needs to hear this today but enabling is not love. It’s fear disguised as love.
Within the fog of our cognitive dissonance we tell ourselves we’re helping, that we’re fighting for change, that we’re holding on because THIS TIME it will be different. But at the end of the day, if all that effort still leaves us feeling trapped in the same cycle, what we’re really doing is enabling. And we're not just enabling someone else's self destruction, we're enabling our self-betrayal.
Enabling is an action that makes an unhealthy and undesirable action by another possible practical or easy for them to continue. Rather than stop the action and solve it, you give permission for it to continue. Even if you're spending every ounce of energy you have fighting against the action and habits that are so painful to you, if at the end of the day you're staying and not making a radical change to correct and end what's happening, you're just trapping you both into a cycle of codependence and enabling bad behavior.
The root of enabling is typically a mix of codependency with insecure attachment. There's a deep lingering unspoken fear that if we let go of someone we care about, we will lose everything. If we enforce boundaries, we will be abandoned. If we demand more, we will be left with nothing at all.
If 2024 has taught us anything, it’s that those fears? They were never as bad as we imagined them to be, and they wouldn't hurt us nearly as badly as the real wounds we've been avoiding.
That Chironic eclipse on April 8th was once in a lifetime. We will never, in our lifetime, see another total solar eclipse in an exact degree-and-minute conjunction with Chiron. That moment shook loose wounds buried so deep we mistook them for personality flaws. Things like shame, fear, rejection, abandonment, trauma that stem from the initial layer of the Chironic journey. It showed us where we were still grasping at relationships, patterns, and cycles not because they were right for us, but because they were comfortable.. painfully familiar.
Now we’re stepping into the second wave of realization and resolve as we enter into this duel Mercury/Venus retrograde cycle and revisit what the eclipse brought to the surface last year.
April 12th’s full moon in Libra lands at the exact degree- 19 Aries (and Libra). What was unearthed then is coming full circle. If you’re still clinging to what needs to go, you will feel it. If you’ve been trying to force yourself back into old dynamics, the discomfort will be unbearable. This lunation is a final opportunity to let go.
Not to “wait and see.” Not to give someone “one more chance.” Not to stay because “maybe they’ll change.” To release and stop revisiting.
Mercury and Venus are about to retrograde back-to-back, retracing nearly identical degrees. We will be confronted with the consequences of our choices. The leeches, the users, the ones who have benefitted from other's self-sacrifice—they will feel the shift as we finally choose ourselves.
The people who only had access to you because of your insecurities? Their time is up.
The first half of 2024 showed you where your boundaries were being trampled, disrespected, and dismissed. The second half will show you how to set, enforce, and fight for them.
This time, choose yourself.
If that choice feels impossible, remember this: The Chironic journey is a cycle of wounding, leaving and healing, mastery, and respected wisdom. Every soul who carries deep wisdom and a drive to lead others through to a place of safety and mastery to pay it forward is forged through this fire.
The Initial Wounding: A formative, often painful experience that shapes your self-perception. We are rejected early in life by our family. Often disconnected from mother in pregnancy or early infancy, blamed for the actions of our father. We feel abandoned by both parents and ashamed of ourselves. This layer is a deep sense of fear and shame that stems from a place within us that registers our sense of worth long before we had words to describe the world around us.
Leaving and healing: We find a chosen family outside of our own that teach us about the world and ourselves. They inspire us to chase our passion by giving the spark of wisdom and hope we would not have found otherwise. We have the ability to start to heal and unlearn the false beliefs, set boundaries, reclaim worth, and integrate the wisdom of our wounds. This is when Chiron was adopted by Apollo and Artemis and he was able to learn everything about fighting, the arts, nature, herbs, and healing to the extent of achieving immortality.
Mastery and Respected wisdom: The final step, when our deepest wounds become the source and inspiration of greatest medicine we can share with others Here, we step into our true calling as someone who alchemized our experiences into power, ready to guide others from a place of embodied wisdom and have them become greater than we could ever hope to be ourselves- coming from a place of pure pride and love.
And if that choice to walk away feels impossible today, remember this: The call to help others is deep within you. That’s why the Chironic journey resonates so profoundly. You are being called to guide others, to uplift and shape the next generation of healers and artists. But instead of stepping fully into that calling, instead of finding those who will honor and reciprocate your pure and profound energy, you’ve been giving it away for free to those who neither appreciate nor return any of it to you.
Please, stop wasting these gifts on people whose hands are like sieves.
