Recognizing and Releasing Abusive Inner Dialogue
(Originally posted Feb 22nd 2025)
Idk who needs to hear this today but if you're struggling with a poor self image this one might be for you.
When you spend your life repeating the words and phrases weaponized against you by others it's hard to separate things. Hard to separate a cruel 9 year old's opinion of a 9 year old version of ourselves from our SELF. It's hard to separate our mother or our fathers projections, anger, or neglect from your own SELF.
Your mind works faster than the mouth. Before anyone else even has a chance to say something, your mind has already repeated it a hundred times over. And when those thoughts are cruel, the damage compounds. You start anticipating them, enforcing them, seeking them out, and cutting yourself down before anyone else can.
And then our own reflection becomes unbearable. We flinch, we shrink, we turn away. Not because of who we are, but because of what we think we are. It becomes hard to look at ourselves with love, with acceptance, with safety when we've taken the role and become our biggest bullies, taking responsibility to do the work we resented cried about so many times. We didn't take this role because we want to, but because it's familiar, and for some of us familiarity is the only comfort we've ever known. This type of thinking is what we were taught. And somewhere along the line, we started believing it was our responsibility to continue the criticism, to "fix" something that was never actually broken at all.
But here’s the truth: the things you say to yourself, the judgments that live rent-free in your head? They aren’t reality. You're not reacting to YOURSELF you're responding negatively to what you think about yourself. The people who love you, who see you clearly, wouldn’t say those things, hell, strangers on the street wouldn't say them because they aren’t true.
This is especially true for those struggling with body dysmorphia, only able to see a distorted reflection of themselves rather than who they truly are. But it’s also true for anyone carrying (c)PTSD or shame from bullies from childhood—anyone who learned to see themselves through someone else’s broken lens.
So, if this resonates, maybe today is a day to pause. To notice. To gently remind yourself that just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is. That maybe, just maybe, you deserve a kinder voice in your head and today can be that turning point.
