I’m going to be vulnerable for a minute..

(Originally posted March 2nd 2025)

I’m going to be vulnerable for a minute…

When I was a teenager, I was forced into group therapy. I remember sitting there, arms crossed, seething with rage as one by one, everyone shared the event or trauma that landed them in that room. I refused to participate, refused to speak—but I listened. And with every story, my inner dialogue went something like this:

"Yep."

"Me too."

"That also happened."

"Damn, that was a good day for me."

"Okay… this isn’t funny anymore."

"Why is every single one of these my life?"

By the time it got to me, I was left with two choices: pick just one thing to focus on (as if they weren’t all tangled together, compounding), or risk sounding like some attention-seeking little girl by saying, "All of those." So instead I choose to look indignant and standoffish and remain silent and disengaged.

I never understood why I had to survive all of it. What I could have done to deserve so much. I never understood why it kept unfolding into my twenties through gn violence, more near-death experiences, helping people I loved navigate their own battles with addiction.

A lightning rod for pain. That’s how I felt. Like God’s favorite form of comedic relief with a sick sense of humor.

"But you seem so normal!"

"You're the strongest person I know."

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard those words. Nails on a chalkboard.

But now, with the lens of astrology, I can see the Pluto transits. The synastry with my parents. The way these patterns were written long before I had the words to name them. And with that awareness comes something deeper:

This work isn’t theoretical to me. It isn’t detached. I take it seriously because I know what it means to be at the bottom, to feel like life is just a series of punches to the gut. And I also know what it means to rebuild, to shift, to create something beautiful despite it all.

I was meant to experience and survive my life and step into the power of my chart- with Pluto at the apex of one and Chiron at the apex of another kite in my chart.

Not because suffering is some goofy badge of honor, but because I needed to prove the ability to transmute it, to remain resilient, strong, and dedicated to healing in order to DESERVE this platform and work with so many people mapping their soul. I now have the privilege of helping others to navigate their own healing journey, their own emergent situations.

I don’t dwell in or ignore the darkness, I work with it. I meet it with hope, with strategy, with a relentless focus on transformation. Because no matter how heavy the energy, there is always a way forward.